Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
