Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
