I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
