We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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