never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
