Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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