I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
