I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
