So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Still dying that you shit outside
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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