like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
