he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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