Just mADE A PArabola og urine
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
