I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
