I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
