sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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