fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
