so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
