am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need water and some morals
Randomize
