Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.