i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed