So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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