Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means