She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead