This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
