i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
