connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
