How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
