Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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