and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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