Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
