We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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