And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
