I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
