This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
