her facebook's as public as her vagina
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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