Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
