btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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