We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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