I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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