I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize