walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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