I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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