i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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