the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
