Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
be right there i have to get my cape
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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