sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
