I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
