my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
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He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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