whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
