I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
