just tell him i said nine months
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
