stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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