So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
