Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
