everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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