Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
