It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
