No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Your penis caused this!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
