It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
