I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
