I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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