ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i've created a new STD.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
