I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize