i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
