Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
