i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
